My dad forwarded me an email from a woman at his work who has a son serving in Afghanistan. She was asking people who were able to contribute to care packages for him and his unit. I immediately said I'd make brownies. He asked for homemade cookies but I sent brownies to Charlie when he was in Iraq and they got good reviews.

I got my supplies together and pulled out the pot I used to use at Brenden's apartment in Canton. I put in the chocolate and butter to melt on the stove and it was all so familiar. I thought about this woman's son in Afghanistan and thought about his mom and how hard the holidays will be for her and the rest of his family. I mixed in the sugar and eggs and it started to smell so good. When Charlie was gone I would spend my baking time thinking about what else I'd send him, what books I had that he might like, what treats I could get for him. I'd miss him and let myself feel all the things I pushed away most of the time, the sadness and fear and confusion. And then the flour and the vanilla and they were ready to go into the oven.

I made two batches so he can share with other marines. I hope they get a moment of tasty goodness, a moment where they can forget where they are and just have the joy of eating something made at home, even someone else's home.

I think it's easy, if you don't know anyone who is deployed, to forget about the wars, to forget about the sacrifices they and their families are making. Even if you don't agree with our government's choices, try to remember sometimes what it means for the people directly affected. And if you can,if you have the time and the means, please think about sending something over. I know how much every little package means to those men and women. If you don't know anyone deployed, there are lots of organizations that can put you in touch with people who need a little love from across the miles. And you can always contact me and I'll find someone who would appreciate your efforts.

Give a little, it means a lot. And for those of us who have been through it, it's nice just to know that people haven't forgotten those that are doing what we could never do.

The brownies are done now and I have to package them up, like I've done so many times before, and send them across the world. Because chewy brownies taste so good, even in Afghanistan.

 

The sunset is a romantic scene for some. For me, it brings memories of Sunset on Ocean Beach in San Francisco, sitting with Dog Boy, bundled up on an old sheet on the sand with beer, cookies, and pretzels. Every Friday we'd bus down to the water and sit and try to crack each other up with the funniest story from our crazy jobs (the Boy usually won.) Sunset was about sharing and it's where we were brave enough to tell each other the things we thought we couldn't - that he'd gotten engaged (it didn't last) or that I was leaving (he handed me another beer.) And then it was over and we would go home, drunk on alcohol and friendship, in the cover of the dark.

Every sunset is an ending, to the day, the week, an era. And every North Country sunset I see is one closer to my last...which I assume I'll be watching as we pack up our truck our last night here. The Earth moves and the sun sets on everything. I think the key is to get through the night and be ready for when the sun rises in the morning, to be ready for what comes next.

I went to town today to collect boxes...that's right, the packing can begin.

I don't know where we're going, exactly, or what we'll do once we get there. But I know I love being a farmer, I love growing food and feeding people, I love working outside and getting dirty. And I love Brenden and i want to find a situation that makes us both happy..

I know that we can find a place for us.

But it starts with boxes.

That's it, kids. The last of The Nine has gotten married and it was quite the weekend of partying! SO, in no particular order:

Top 10 things that happened during Bemily Weds weekend -

10. Getting to hang out with my friends' kids. I know that Ben says I like the kids more than the adults but it isn't true, I swear. I do, however, love those little ones! I got to hold Jacob, color with Michaela, read books to Atalia and Bayla, and even dance a little bit with Tevya. They're all adorable and turning into really interesting people that I'm glad to know.

9. Seeing Ben walk down the aisle.



He looked handsome and smart and witty, don't you think? Ben is so rational and over-thinks things, and it was so wonderful to see him reveal his emotions and just be totally heartfelt in a public way. I love that guy and I'm so glad he's found a woman that makes him so happy.

8. Giving Brenden a sponge bath using paper towels and hand soap in the bathroom of Firefly at the wedding after party. I had applied aspercreme to the sore muscles on the left side of his back earlier that day and by the time we were at the party for about 20 minutes, the entire area felt like it was in flames. We went in to the bathroom and I washed it off about five times and eventually the bright red burned area faded to pink and he said it was better enough to enjoy the festivities. It was pretty hilarious and I kept thinking about what would happen if someone noticed the bathroom had been locked for so long and decided to get the staff to open it...that would have been quite the scene to walk in on. He doesn't seem to have any permanent damage, though.

7. The wedding location. The sanctuary was so beautiful and the ceremony was in a little clearing surrounded by trees. The weather totally cooperated and it couldn't have been more idyllic. It was nice to be outdoors in some mild temperatures, it's gotten a bit nippy at home. It's fall and the leaves were turning colors- the perfect backdrop. Just so pretty.

6. Seeing the Reverend Lee F. Berger, Esq. perform for the first time. He did a great job and it was nice to be at a wedding where the officiant knows and loves both the participants. He kept his cool and was charming and funny without geting too silly. A really good job.

5. Seeing Emily walk down the aisle.



She was so beautiful, it was almost unbelievable. Like a picture out of a haute couture wedding magazine. Emily is really fun, has an easy laugh, is smart and has an interesting opinion on most things, is always up for anything, and seems to have found a partner in Ben. She's been part of The Nine for quite a while in my book but it was nice to be there when it all became official.

4. Losing my wallet on the way to the airport. That's right, folks. No matter how hard I work at changing it, I'm still that girl. And occasionally it comes out at the most inopportune moments. I left the wallet on the bench at the Dupont Circle Metro station, realized it as soon as we were on the train south, had to get off at the next stop and go back only to find that it was gone. Frantic chaos and a near Nancy meltdown ensued. After about 15 minutes we got a call from my dad, someone had picked up the wallet and looked inside and his was the only business card in there. So he gave me the number of the guy who found it. Luckily he'd only gone one stop and after a four block sprint I had the wallet and was ready to go. We'd left some extra time in our schedule so we did make it to the airport and get on the plane on time. But MAN that was scary.

3. Getting to hang out with my friends as people, not parents. I love that my friends are such great parents, I love their kids, and I love the idea that even as we move into the family stage of our lives that we can still find ways to connect. But it was just so great to have a party with no kids, where everyone could let loose, dance, drink, and not worry about meeting the needs of a small but cute offspring. I got to talk to people and catch up, dance my ass off, and, of course, reminisce and about all that we've been through together. So nice. And only that kind of night could lead to this moment; Lee and Ben were talking and Ben turned to talk to someone else. I'm sure it was just that Lee was going to say something else but as his head moved towards Ben with his mouth open I though "they're going to make out!" I told Ben what it had looked like from my perspective and his response? "You wanna see that? 'Cause I can totally make that happen!" Now that, my friends, is a good host.

2. Amani's toast. Emily and Amani have been friends for a long time and have been a part of each others lives in so many ways. It's hard to encapsulate a relationship like that in just a few minutes but Amani did a wonderful job, quoting what Emily had written in her yearbook almost 15 years ago and showing how those words still ring true. She had the place in tears.

1. Besides the joy of celebrating Bemily, this weekend was really about reassurance for me. Brenden and I are moving in about a month and it's sad to leave the place I've been for the last three years. But being at the wedding confirmed what I'd already suspected - I have a community, a group of people that feel more like family, that love and accept me, that embrace their interconnectedness, that laugh through tears and find the support in each other. We may not all live together (I'm still working on my Nine Commune idea) but we are a community in all the ways I've been lacking. It was nice to feel at home.


There you are - a weekend to remember. And now that we're all finished with marriages we're going to have to find some other tradition that bring us together as a whole group regularly. Maybe we can start celebrating Arbor Day.

So...we got married. Success!

It was the most fun day of my life, for sure. Everything was beautiful and wonderful and full of love. I don't know how to put into words what it felt like. Kind of like this:


It was just so much fun. And I found out that wearing a flower crown suits me.


That's Elizabeth, showing me some love.


Our wedding certificate, with our vows, which we asked everyone at the ceremony to sign.


I even wore earrings.


My favorite picture.

So many people helped out, worked on the lawn and the set-up, performed, designed, spoke, photographed, and provided advice and guidance along the way. It really was a community effort and a realization of everything I could have wanted. I'm so grateful to so many people and so appreciative of the amazing love and friendship in my life.

So now we've begun our marriage and so far I'd give it two thumbs up. It feels different, somehow, and nicer. I love that man.

To many thoughts to really write these days...everything is kind of surreal and super exciting...

Maybe I'll be able to blog when it's all over and my head is clearer.

People start arriving tomorrow...it's on now!

much love,

bride nancy

Did you know that the moon is pretty?


Did you know that burgers are good to eat on the 4th of July?



Did you know that DQ has blizzards made out of my favorite Girl Scout cookies?


Did you know that I hate pictures of myself?


I kind of like that one, though.

Another July 4th come and gone.

I'm not the biggest proponent of representative government. i don't think my government represents me very well at all and I'm usually pretty disgruntled with politics and the way things work in any capitol.

I've probably seen more of this country than a lot of people. I've lived in or near several different cities, I've driven across the country twice, I've spent time in the smallest town and the largest metropolis. And the truth is that the fight over the idea of what America is, what being American means, and what freedom is all about - it exhausts me. I'm tired. I'm tired of hearing that people who take to the streets to express themselves, to differentiate their voices from that of the government, are unpatriotic. I'm tired of hearing that freedom is something that should be handed out by the government, that a legislative body should decide what is best for all of us. I'm tired of hearing that immigrants are a problem when we are all immigrants. I'm tired of how short our memory is and how passive our masses are.

I heard someone talking about what's gong on in Iran and he was saying "that is what democracy looks like. The ttragic thing is that in 2000 we sat on our couches and watched as our government was taken over by someone who probably hadn't won the election, the sad thing is that we don't demand for ourselves what we prescribe to others."

And that is the sad thing. Who was it that said freedom is a muscle, you have to exercise it or you'll lose it?

Mostly I just distance myself. I watch the Daily Show and even those short bits of news make me feel despair. I decided years ago that I couldn't give into the despair anymore, that fighting the good fight was killing me in small ways, and that i had to find something to live for instead of only having so many things to be against.

And so i grow food and I organize at my local farmers' market. I support the people in my life the best I can and hope I help to create a sense of community in their lives. I hope that it's enough.

I still secretly dream of a time when we will all understand freedom in ways that we don't right now. Sometimes when I think about my friends and family that have put their lives at risk to protect our freedom, it hurts my heart. How can we keep putting their lives on the line for something we don't even bother to appreciate but once a year?

Maybe I'm cynical when it comes to this stuff.

People talk about moderation but moderates never really got us anything. Give me a visionary any day, someone who sees what we can become and doesn't wait around for it but brings it to light. Give me MLK Jr. on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, or a suffragette at the gate of the White House. Give me critical mass and resistance in all it's forms. Give me liberty or give me death.

I do like fireworks, though. Even though they simulate warfare, they do it with pretty colors and I'm a sucker for bright, shiny things.


WWII Memorial with Lincolm Memorial in the background.

Not blogging as often as I'd like...trying to keep up with CSA organizational stuff, field work, wedding planning, farmers market board issues, making big life decisions, and also have some fun and relaxation time occasionally.It's quite the load and sometimes it feels crushing but most of the time it's pretty good.

Wedding - It's all coming together. My dress arrived and I'm setting up my appointment to get it altered. The invitations are almost done. The ceremony is pretty much written. There is still a lot to do but I think we'll get it done and have a fun day.

The gardens and CSA - I haven't been spending nearly as much time as I'd like in the field. Things are looking good and the peas are delicious, which is exciting. I put in another field of mixed greens last week and picked garlic scapes over the weekend. We have quite the crew this year...a lot of action in the gardens...check us out, posing in the garlic.


The CSA has started and it's nice to be giving out food again. I love our members and keeping track of everything is a lot of work but totally worth it.  Also, the south wall of the barn has been taken down. The plan is to build a greenhouse attached to the barn. Oh, the possibilities a greenhouse would allow.. Right now we're pretty much in the devastation part of construction, though.



Market - Something is always up with the market. Sometimes it's just stuff to do and sometimes it's crazy drama. Being secretary is always frustrating but I want the market to be successful so I keep at it. We have the opportunity to do lots of good work and in August, during national farmers' market week, we're trying to put together a good event. There's a Say Yes to Fruits and Veggies van that travels around the state educating low income families on food stamps about eating healthy. There are also some people from WIC that might come to promote the farmers market checks they can use to buy produce. And the Eat Well Play Hard program from the county health initiative is going to help promote it all and also have a booth. SO if it all comes together we should have a pretty kick-ass event. It feels good for all my work and aggravation to contribute something tangible.
Here's a picture I got online of the van...looks like a lot of fun. They have a certified kitchen in there!



Big Life Stuff - Brenden and i are planning to leave the North Country. There is too much to say about that to write it  all right now. i love it up here in a  lot of ways but it's just so far away from my family and friends. it's exhausting to have so many long distance relationships. There aren't a lot of opportunities for Brenden up here. And I came here looking for community and since I've decided not to live at Birdsfoot it doens't make sense to be so isolated anymore. I still want to grow food and we're trying to plan a move to PA. I'm going to miss so much about life in Canton and so many people I've met here. I just think I need some things I'm not getting and I want to be able to see some of the other people in my life more easily and more often. We're thinking of leaving by the end of the year, maybe around the holidays. I'm sure I'll ramble on about all that stuff another time as our plans become less theoretical.

So...that's a lot. And now I'm done.

love. love

Farmer Nancy

Whoo hooo! I love my birthday! So much fun today.

We got up early and went to Birdsfoot to load the van for market and then drove into a rainstorm in town. We didn't have to deal with the rain and flooding in our spot, though, because Dulli set up while Brenden and I went to the Partridge to get breakfast. It did clear up for most of the day and market was quiet and slow but nice. I also went thrift store shopping with my fellow pink haired friend and got awesome pants that zip off into shorts.

Brenden got me Virgil's root beer, chocolate covered pretzels, and organic dark chocolate. Amazing!

Then we went to the P&C and got ingredients for my birthday cake...snickers ice cream pie.

At home we had a few hours and got together a bunch of laundry to take the laundromat and cleaned the apartment. I love a clean apartment.

We went out to dinner at the Asian Buffet with almost all of the Birdsfoot crew and did TEN loads of laundry. It's SO wonderful to have clean sheets and towels and work clothes...I can't describe how happy it makes me. And the Asian Buffet played happy birthday over the sound system in our special party room and gave us an entire cake for free. What nice folks.

Everyone came back to our place and we hung out, had ice cream pie.

I told stories of my birth -

I was a preemie, born almost a month early. I was only 3 lbs 9 oz, so tiny, but I had fully developed organs and only had to stay in the hospital so I could be kept warm in an incubator. My mom was pretty freaked out and didn't want to leave me there. They didn't name me for several days...they couldn't agree on anything. Finally the nurses threatened to put Bertha on my birth certificate and they settled on Nancy Lee. I weighed 4lbs 13oz when I had been there almost 3 weeks but the hospital wouldn't send me home until I was at 5lbs. My mom came to breast feed me and bring some milk she'd pumped. I guess I heard them talking about going home because I stayed up all night, ate all the milk and formula I could and gained the 3oz by morning. They hadn't thought it was possible but I was determined. My grandmother had gone out and bought me a dress. They didn't have premie clothes back then so shopped in the doll clothes and found me a pretty white one. I came home a few days before my original due date and was the sweetest little girl there ever was.

And I turned out so fantastic!

So yay me!

Birthday flowers from the herb garden.