My dad forwarded me an email from a woman at his work who has a son serving in Afghanistan. She was asking people who were able to contribute to care packages for him and his unit. I immediately said I'd make brownies. He asked for homemade cookies but I sent brownies to Charlie when he was in Iraq and they got good reviews.

I got my supplies together and pulled out the pot I used to use at Brenden's apartment in Canton. I put in the chocolate and butter to melt on the stove and it was all so familiar. I thought about this woman's son in Afghanistan and thought about his mom and how hard the holidays will be for her and the rest of his family. I mixed in the sugar and eggs and it started to smell so good. When Charlie was gone I would spend my baking time thinking about what else I'd send him, what books I had that he might like, what treats I could get for him. I'd miss him and let myself feel all the things I pushed away most of the time, the sadness and fear and confusion. And then the flour and the vanilla and they were ready to go into the oven.

I made two batches so he can share with other marines. I hope they get a moment of tasty goodness, a moment where they can forget where they are and just have the joy of eating something made at home, even someone else's home.

I think it's easy, if you don't know anyone who is deployed, to forget about the wars, to forget about the sacrifices they and their families are making. Even if you don't agree with our government's choices, try to remember sometimes what it means for the people directly affected. And if you can,if you have the time and the means, please think about sending something over. I know how much every little package means to those men and women. If you don't know anyone deployed, there are lots of organizations that can put you in touch with people who need a little love from across the miles. And you can always contact me and I'll find someone who would appreciate your efforts.

Give a little, it means a lot. And for those of us who have been through it, it's nice just to know that people haven't forgotten those that are doing what we could never do.

The brownies are done now and I have to package them up, like I've done so many times before, and send them across the world. Because chewy brownies taste so good, even in Afghanistan.

 

My dad asked me tonight why I haven't blogged in so long. And he's right, I have yet to put thoughts or photos to screen in 2010. The thing is that my mind is not the kind of place many people would want to be. There's an Ani line that keeps running through my head "taken out of context I must seem so strange."

How can I create context?

I'm growing food. And when I'm out there tilling and raking, when I'm watering the babies and sitting in the dirt I'm thinking a lot about being tired.

I'm tired of politicians and pundits who spread hate and fear and refuse to engage in any honest discourse or debate. I'm tired of the people who listen to those hateful words and take them on as their own. I'm tired of going to the store and not being able to find yogurt without added sugar. I'm tired of waking around the food store and struggling to find whole foods that haven't been grown using science and chemicals we don't even really understand, or not being able to find whole food at all. I'm tired of people who complain about a soda tax without realizing that it was so cheap to begin with because the main ingredient, high fructose corn syrup, is a commodity crop subsidized by a government that is content to let diversified small farms go bankrupt while agribusiness thrives. I'm tired of listening to those that were so critical of the last administration give the current one a free pass even as they advocate for drilling in Alaska. I'm tired of listening to those that claimed that any protest of the last administration was unpatriotic claim that any protest of the current one is the action of a good American. I'm tired of worrying about the broken tooth in my mouth and reading articles about citizens that are against the new healthcare bill without actually knowing what's in it. I'm tired of people who complain about how much organic food costs while checking their email or facebook on whatever new gadget some commercial told us we all had to have. I'm tired of seeing that horrible commercial asking "who said you had to have a period every month?" as if thousands (millions?) of years of evolution mean nothing when it comes to reproductive health of human beings. I'm tired of the insurance commercial that tells me that this recession is going to mean that we all realize our values were out of whack and appreciating our family and friends is more important that consumer culture and wishing it was more than just a marketing ploy. I'm tired of the look on people's faces when I say that I want to grow food but I left my farm and am not sure how I'm going to do it here...that look that means they feel bad for me....they think I've wasted my potential...they think that growing food is something only uneducated rural bumpkins would bother to do. I"m tired of watching a fast food commercial asking us to buy a bucket of fried heart disease and diabetes so they can make a donation towards cancer research. I'm tired of spending so much of my time thinking about his stuff. I'm tired of vegetarians and vegans who don't understand our evolution as omnivores, I'm tired of people who get their fruits and vegetables from juice without understanding that the fiber from eating an actual food is part of the nutrient value. I'm tired of the commercial that claims that high fructose corn syrup is "fine in moderation" as if eating it in moderation is even possible unless you're trying to avoid it completely and ignoring completely the environmental destruction perpetrated by corn and soy mono-cultures. I"m tired of worrying about leaching plastic and what's in the tap water and whether the apple I'm eating is covered with poison and what kind of sad and tortured life the animal had that is serving as dinner. I'm tired of people who salute the flag without really wanting "justice and liberty for all."

I hope that getting it down here, filling a blank screen with it, will help. I don't want to be tired anymore. I want to be excited about working in the garden with my husband, about dreams i have for teaching as many people as possible about the importance of whole foods and supporting farmers, and about the lovely people in my life who make me think and make me laugh.

Because if I have to choose an Ani lyric, I'd rather be feeling a bit "I think I understand what all the fighting was for, and I want you to understand that I'm not angry anymore."